However, that shouldn't surprise me, as I consider the man who came up with the original idea for this retreat to be a genius. In fact, on the way home (a 5-hour drive from San Antonio to Dallas), I said to Tom, "Ken is a genius, a GENIUS!" He said, "Yes, you've mentioned that before." Oooops.
It is a very interesting concept, first of all, that this is for enriching marriages. We didn't fully grasp that when we signed up but it was just what we were aiming for ... helping us celebrate what is already working and do the hard and necessary work of talking about what isn't working ... while getting both of us to listen to the other. Incorporated through this is the spiritual element that is so essential to any successful undertaking. There was an overarching theme of marriage as a sacrament and as a place where we reflect God's glory. Wow!
Giving the details would make no sense as anyone who has ever gone on a retreat knows full well. Part of the retreat process is progressing as things unfold around you rather than seeing the whole thing laid out ahead of time or divorced from the overall atmosphere.
I can say that the retreat gave us the tools we needed to communicate our love, our frustrations, our needs, our fears ... everything ... in a safe and undemanding environment. I am not saying it was easy. There were times when we were praying and very afraid to bring things up. But God was there with us (corny? yes. but it is true). Also we were committed to each other and to this process. In fact, the item that turned out to be the main issue between us is one that only God had in mind as we both had pushed it so far back, so long ago, that we couldn't even really define it at first.
Naturally, it didn't hurt that there were two mandatory "date" nights in the charming town of Boerne at the edge of Texas' hill country. It all combined so well to remind us of what made us fall in love in the first place and how deeply we have grown to love each other in the meantime.
Tom's reaction is stated a bit differently but the end result was the same for both of us:
This program is good for a couple like us because it is not at all a "crisis" oriented concept. In fact it is rooted in business situation assessment and planning wrapped in a "marriage as a sacrament" context. Better than just taking a weekend off together, it is really helps break down the little personal barriers people tend to develop over time. Then to plan on how to minimize the negative and emphasize the positive.I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who said a little prayer for the retreat. We discovered that the retreat team had a monastery full of nuns praying for us. I know also that my CRHP team was praying for us. And, then there is anyone who dropped by here and saw that request. So it is no wonder that we had a fabulous experience.
The next challenge is really the big one. We must make changes to our routines on a day to day basis. I realized that routine sucks all those great new plans right out of your head when we got home and dropped right back into the regular needs of daily life with the girls. That is, until that wonderful moment, when my dear Tom (having realized the same thing I found out later), suddenly started implementing a little change that very evening. And the change was in the very area I had been most terrified about approaching him. How I love that man o' mine!
That was such a surprise and such a delight ... and such a warning about the need to be vigilant about putting our plans into effect. His motion touched me so that I was warming myself at the memory of it while making lunch the next morning. The perfect time to slip a note into his sandwich wrapper some might mention? Ah yes. And so it was done. He has the note in his shirt pocket as we speak ... now I just have to remember that a ham sandwich will give a note an unmistakable fragrance throughout the day ... and figure out a way around that!
And the very best part? If the routine overcomes us again, if we forget part of what we vowed to change, if new problems surface ... and we all know that this is reality speaking, not pessimism ... this retreat is designed so that we can pick our own weekend, retreat from the world, and do it ourselves annually or whenever we want. How cool is that? You know the answer already. Very cool.
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